Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
