Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
its liver damage thursday
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
