I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize