i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
