my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Randomize
