And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
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