Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
