I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
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