I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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