i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Randomize
