Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
the gays at disneyland are vicious
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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