"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
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