I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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