I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
