who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
