isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
