sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
