Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Randomize
