Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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