It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
