You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Randomize
