Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
