Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
