problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
