The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
Randomize
