My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
