he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
