What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Randomize
