So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
God, I missed his penis.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
