counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
