I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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