you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
