Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
