the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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