So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Randomize
