His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
