I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
