you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
