I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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