Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
