ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
