So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
