you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I think people are normalizing furries
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
