First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
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