The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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