So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Boobs speak an international language.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Randomize
