they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
