My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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