Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
