She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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