Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
