Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Randomize
