Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
