Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
