i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
