the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
