I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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