dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
