I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Randomize
