just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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