If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
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