he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
