Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Is it because I queefed?
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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