i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize