We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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