So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
