I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Randomize
