im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
