Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
