if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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