Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(504): View more from Louisiana

Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.

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(703): View more from Virginia

he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2

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(815): View more from Illinois

Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.

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(770): View more from Georgia

I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.

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(503): View more from Oregon

bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?

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(781): View more from Massachusetts

Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.

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(502): View more from Kentucky

She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.

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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture

(410): View more from Maryland

dude you're not even a fucking science major

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(201): View more from New Jersey

Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street

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