before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
