shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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