That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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