i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize