I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
