You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
He did a backflip because drugs
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