Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
