ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
