I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Randomize
